Melbourne / Naarm

Where even the punks follow rules

2021-10-17 — 2026-03-17

Wherein a newcomer’s notes are compiled on sparse wrens, Buruli ulcers, sauna circuits, and missing‑middle schemes, with the city’s trees being addressed by email.

diy
place
policy
straya
wonk
Figure 1: Superb wrens! I was hoping to see more of these when I moved further south, but you know what? When you move to Melbourne you learn that the bush is much farther away than it is in Sydney. I have seen hardly any birds at all.

My current hometown.

Wow, look at these headings. We can tell too much about my priorities from what I research when I move somewhere.

1 Flesh-eating bacteria

Flesh-eating bacteria are encroaching on Melbourne. See Buruli in Victoria for more background, but tl;dr: Buruli ulcer is a flesh-eating bacterial infection that can cause permanent disfigurement and disability if not treated early. Let’s watch out for skin ulcers.

2 Saunas and spas

3 Economy

4 …as Naarm

The site of the modern city is called Naarm in the Boonwurrung and Woiwurrung languages1. Naarm as a name has a pronunciation advantage: the way local English speakers pronounce Melbourne is baffling to outsiders since we say /ˈmɛlbən/ (“MELb’n”) and outsiders say /ˈmɛlbɔːrn/ (“MEL-born”).

Naarm, by contrast, is pronounced the way it’s spelled. ‘Naam’ is probably a better spelling for American English speakers who pronounce R’s after their vowels.2

Culturally, what are we supposed to do? The ‘anti-woke’ crowd uses Melbourne exclusively. The very ‘woke’ crowd uses Naarm exclusively. I personally choose the appropriate name for the context as best I can. I think that arguments about naming things are a low-value use of time, especially arguments about choosing the one single name for a thing. It seems to be pretty common for a place to have different names in different languages, and that seems like a sign of a healthy society: multiply-named places are OK.

FWIW, I think 新金山 (Xīnjīnshān, “New Gold Mountain”) is an awesome name for this city, and I’m itching for the right context in which to use that one.

5 Urban planning

I moved here in part because of this city’s famed success in urban planning at various points in the past.

More recent attempts to build infrastructure and culture in symbiosis are less inspiring.

It’s complicated. For now, why not join YIMBY Melbourne? I did, because my spicy opinions on land economics make me YIMBY, more or less.

Melbourne’s Missing Middle:

Melbourne’s density drops precipitously from high-rises to single-family homes, with very little medium density between. Melbourne’s Missing Middle’s signature recommendation—a new Missing Middle Zone—would enable six-storey, mixed-use development on all residential land within 1 kilometre of a train station and 500 metres of a tram stop—building an interconnected network of 1,992 high-amenity, walkable neighbourhoods.

Melbourne’s Missing Middle envisions Parisian streetscapes across all of inner urban Melbourne, along our train and tram lines and near our town centres. Gentle, walk-up apartments, abundant shopfronts, sidewalk cafes and sprawling parks replacing unaffordable and unsustainable cottages.

TBC

Did we know that You Can Send Emails To Any Tree In The City Of Melbourne?

6 Arts

7 Where’s the electronic music?

TBC

8 Veg boxes

9 Incoming

10 References

Bagaric. 2022. “The Crime of Criminalising Everyday Life: The Rule of Law Discarded in Victoria’s COVID-19 Response.” Report.

Footnotes

  1. kinda; it seems it might not be that conveniently simple↩︎

  2. That said, I suspect that the way English speakers say ‘Naarm’ might be technically incorrect compared to its historical version because people seem vague about that. On the other hand, the sadly precarious state of the Woiwurrung language means few people will notice. At least there’s the small consolation that this mispronunciation probably annoys fewer people than mispronouncing ‘Melbourne’, and those people are more likely to appreciate the attempt, so we have licence not to be pedantic.↩︎